I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
