i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
