In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
