Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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