Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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