wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
did i walk over a car last night?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
