Already got asked if we're dating
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
