im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize