you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
