you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
