Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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