Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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