you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
