its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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