Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
