When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
