HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
