Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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