Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
