Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
