ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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