My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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