My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
