she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
