i can't believe i had my finger in that
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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