guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
