I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
