FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
