So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
