the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
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Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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