There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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