PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
