We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
