i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Sorry about my life...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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