Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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