I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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