I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
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I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think a kid would responsible me up
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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