Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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