his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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