i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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