it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
