She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I wish i was in the wii world.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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