when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
