Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Did I show you my penis last night?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
