Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She bit a glass in half.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
