Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
