This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
