i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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