Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
