Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Pants are for mortals
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
