Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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