What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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