i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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