Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
