i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
