Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
