I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
