how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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