I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
