don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
