I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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