My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
where are you?
Hypothermia
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Randomize
