I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
