i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
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Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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