Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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