i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
