lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
don't judge my taste in strippers
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
