I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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