1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
