sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
