She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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