My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Can i not drive my cunt home
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
