Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
