Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
