break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
