...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Ketchup is God's man juice
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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