I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize