It's Friday. Sex?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
