Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize