i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
