How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
