I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
