just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
